


and now I live my ever after

by Fanofthearts



Category: Holby City
Genre: Christmas, Elinor Campbell Lives, F/F, Fluff, Pillow Talk, Reminiscing, a hint of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:15:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21894982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanofthearts/pseuds/Fanofthearts
Summary: As Bernie and Serena are planning their Christmas together as a family, a slight miscommunication threatens to derail it all.
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 7
Kudos: 56
Collections: Berena Secret Santa 2019





	and now I live my ever after

**Author's Note:**

  * For [daisydoctor13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisydoctor13/gifts).



> A huge thank you to Iordio for betaing this, and to fortytworedvines; who listened patiently as I bounced ideas and for lending me her proofing skills. Thank you <3
> 
> This is the request of the AMAZING, PHENOMENAL, the OMG I GOT HER *insert freak out here* DaisyDoctor13. Her prompt was: "Communication with soft pillow talk". I hope I've done your prompt justice.

“Never go to bed angry.” Her mother’s words echoed in her head as Bernie stepped out of the shower, reaching for a towel to wrap around her body. She heard the heat kick on and smiled, an olive branch perhaps. Bernie hated the cold and Holby in winter could be downright cruel. 

They had argued tonight, one of the worst in a while. All the kids were coming over tomorrow for Christmas Eve dinner and Bernie wanted to cook. Christmas Day itself was too hectic; the children being pulled in different directions. After begrudgingly talking to Marcus and Edward, Bernie and Serena reserved Christmas Eve. Bernie had been fantasizing about all of the trimmings; turkey, roasted potatoes, red cabbage, honeyed carrots and parsnips, stuffing, and pudding. Having the early shift she arrived home around three in the afternoon and started in on the bread and potatoes. She was in the process of washing up from her marathon cooking session when Serena came home around six. 

She smiled when she heard her rustling around in the entry, her shoes being kicked off, keys dropped in the dish, coat, hat and scarf being hung on the pegs by the door. Her hands continued to scrub the pan submerged in the suds when the door to the kitchen swung open. Bernie couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on her face at the sight of her wrinkled trousers and blouse, a sure sign she’d been rushed into theater. She watched as her eyes took in the scene before her.

“Darling, I thought we agreed that we would order some of this food in? We decided we wouldn’t do so much.” 

Bernie’s smile slipped from her face. “We talked about it last week when Charlotte said she was coming down that we would do a proper meal.”

“No dear.” Bernie cringed, it was never good when Serena used the word dear. “You wanted that, but we talked about it and decided we would do the turkey but I’d swing by Sainsbury’s early tomorrow morning and get all the veg ready to pop in the oven.”

Bernie tried to remember, they talked about that yes, but Bernie also remembered promising Serena she would do all the cooking. Serena said then she would have to also clean up her dishes. It was all a bit of a blur after; Serena pushed her back into the sofa and that was that. 

“I’m sorry, I guess I misunderstood. I have the bread pudding prepped, it just needs to go in the oven tomorrow and the potatoes are peeled, so are the parsnips.”

“Bernie, I said I didn’t want all this mess this year! Especially after everything that has happened. I just wanted a nice simple quiet dinner and then for us to all spend time together. Now we will be spending the entire time cooking and washing up!” Tears threatened Serena’s eyes, “I can’t believe you’d just ignore me like that.” She turned on her heel and headed up stairs. 

Bernie sighed looking down at her hands in the soapy water. “Damn.” She muttered. She knew better than to chase after Serena. She’d finish the kitchen and reheat leftovers for dinner. Hopefully then things would be cool enough to talk. 

\--

She was wrong. 

Dinner was a stilted affair. They took their plates into the living room silently watching the news. Bernie wordlessly walked their dishes to the kitchen and put them in the sink. 

Typically, after dinner they would sit curled up together reading in front of the fire. Since they decorated two weeks ago they would relax in silence watching the twinkling of the Christmas tree. Just last night they talked excitedly about the upcoming bank holidays, Bernie reclining back into Serena’s shoulder. They would all be together; the first time since last Christmas their family would be under the same roof. Jason now had Greta and Guinevere, Cam was bringing Morven, and they were tentatively seeing each other again. Charlotte, who just graduated from university, was happily single, and was coming down from Edinburgh. Elinor, having spent the last three months in rehab, would come and stay the night in her old room. She’d signed a lease on her own flat and was slowly making baby steps towards being clean and sober for the first time in several years. Now it seemed like a cold blanket was thrown on their plans.

It was a hard year, Elinor spending a month in an induced coma before finally being slowly brought around after the accident. Months of phsyio and speech therapy followed. She willingly checked herself into rehab in Glasgow once a space had become available. Serena made the journey every weekend for three months to visit her and at last it seemed as if things were on track for all of them. 

Bernie moved in with Serena the day after Elinor’s collapse. She expected Serena to push her away, to be angry and prickly in her grief. Instead Serena held her tight as they watched her daughter be put on a ventilator. “Please don’t leave me.” She’d whispered into her neck and Bernie hadn’t. 

Currently they sat, still, in the awkward silence each contemplating the past year. Bernie felt the guilt well up in her, she should have paid closer attention to what Serena was asking; she should have seen the reason behind it. She’d come so close to losing her daughter, of course she’d not want to deal with the stress that came along with dinner. 

She sighed, picked up her empty wine glass. “I’m headed to shower.” 

\--

Now, as she dried her hair and put the cream on her face that Serena insisted upon, she realised what a fool she’d been. Cleaning her teeth she stared at herself in the mirror. She messed up, but she could fix this. Little things like this wouldn’t spell the end of their relationship, far from it. But, Bernie knew if she left this simmer it would cause a rift. They worked hard at their relationship, instead of running, instead of sleeping in the spare bedroom, Bernie took a deep breath; they would talk. 

Opening the door to the bathroom she saw Serena sitting on the bed. “All yours.”

She got a small smile in return and a squeeze on her shoulder when she passed. Quickly changing into her pajamas in the cool room she slid under the covers, smiling when she felt the warmth; Serena turned on the electric blanket. 

A while later she looked up from her medical journal when the bathroom door opened. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

This was Bernie’s favourite Serena, her hair mussed, face pink and free of makeup. She’d changed into her night clothes in the bathroom and slid under the sheets next to Bernie.

“I’m sorry.”

“No.” Bernie held up her hand, and set the journal on the nightstand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t listen to you. After everything that has happened this year I thought old family holiday traditions would be a good thing. I got so wrapped up in recreating a childhood Christmas I’d forgotten how much work goes into it. How much time my Mum and Aunt would spend in the kitchen while us kids would play.”

Serena reached for her, “I shouldn’t have snapped and I shouldn’t have just assumed that take out would be okay for Christmas. It's just-” Her free hand searched for her necklace that was no longer around her neck. “I came so close to losing Ellie, losing everything, and things are going so well. It's not about the food. It’s about us being together, all of us. Our little family, I don’t want to spend all day stuck in the kitchen.”

“Okay.”

Serena raised her eyebrows. “Okay?”

“Yes, I understand, I’m sorry. The bread is ready though, its my grandmas recipe and I’d really like to have that. We can freeze the potatoes and parsnips for another time. Before you go to work tomorrow, I’ll put the turkey in the oven, I’ll clean up a bit and have everything tidied by the time you get home.” She pushed a strand of Serena’s hair out of her eyes, “The kids won’t be here till six. We’ll have a few hours to get everything perfect.”

She watched as the brunette’s eyes crinkled in a smile. “Thank you.” 

Bernie gave her a half smile and turned out the lights. She turned to Serena and pulled her close, her lips brushing across hers. Her fingers gently traced the ridges of the scars on  
her upper back which she could feel through the soft material of her night dress. “There is something else, something you’re not telling me.”

Serena shrugged, the darkness of the room making her feel braver. It’s something she’d been working on in therapy. Even after Ellie was out of the hospital she still felt so lost, so anxious with the ‘what ifs’ rolling around in her head. Therapy helped immensely. “I want to enjoy this, before the other shoe falls. Before…something happens.” 

“Darling, nothing will happen.” Bernie pulled her closer, her lips gently kissing her forehead. “Ellie is fine, Jason is doing well, my lot are coming around, things are good and they will stay good.”

Serena laughed. “I just - this is the first time in….” She tried to think of a time she’d been this happy before, maybe when she first got married? No. When her dad was still alive? Before Edward and the cheating and drinking. Yes, that is when she last remembered this warm and fuzzy feeling welling up in her chest every day at the thought of going home. 

“First time in forever, I’m happy. I feel settled, I feel…” She trailed off trying to find the words.

“Complete?” Bernie whispered. She could just make out Serena’s face in the low light. 

“Yes, complete.” She sighed. Her fingers intertwined with Bernie’s. “It’s so nice having you here, well more than nice.” She gave a slight smile, gently touching her lips to Bernie’s fingers. “I know I asked you to move in on short notice and with such a hectic…everything but it was the best thing I ever did Bernie.”

She chuckled, “Best thing I ever did too. I was worried it might be too soon but under the circumstances…” She trailed off; the ‘what if’ was still too close to the surface. They both fell silent, lost in memoires. 

She remembered little of the day itself. It was a blur of blood numbers, scans, brain images and heart ache. Of worrying about Jason, about Elinor, of Serena. What Bernie remembered so clearly though was after Edward left for the night. 

\--

“There’s brain activity,” Guy said. “I believe we should induce a coma and allow her brain to heal.” Serena sagged against Bernie. There was something in the room that hadn’t been there all day. Hope. 

Bernie was about to excuse herself home for a bit, give Serena some time alone with her daughter. For herself to shower, get a fresh set of clothes and swing by Serena’s and bring some for her when Serena stopped her from rising from the chair. “Why don’t you just grab a bag and head to my house?”

Bernie nodded, “I think I have an overnight bag still packed from last weekend.” 

Serena shook her head, “No, a bag of your things. I know you don’t have much at your flat.” She lifted her blood shot eyes to meet Bernie’s. “If today has taught me anything its life is too short. I love you Bernie.” She squeezed her fingers, confident she wouldn’t run this time. “I don’t want to take things slowly anymore.”

Bernie froze. Her first thought that it was too much, too soon; she itched to run. The space of the small sterile room was closing in, the beeping of the monitors too loud. She forced herself to take a deep breath and look into Serena’s eyes. She felt peace fill her, why run from her home? She found herself smiling, “Okay.” She squeezed her shoulder, “Do you want to come with me?”

Serena shook her head, her right hand still in Elinor’s, her eyes drifting to her daughter, “No, not yet.” Her eyes watched her chest rise and fall with each puff of the ventilator. “You’ll come back tonight though?” 

Bernie felt her chest swell, “Of course, be back in a few.” She dropped a kiss in Serena’s hair and slipped out the door. 

\--

“Tell me about Christmas when you were little.” Serena asked breaking the silence. This was the one thing she hadn’t expected. She knew Bernie well, or so she thought. She had fallen in love with the surgeon, the quick thinking, strong doctor. It took a few months before she realised that the often brusque, self-assured, at times crass woman went deeper than met the eye. At home she was soft, laughed easily, and when she felt comfortable enough was an amazing cook, dancer, and would make a fool of herself to make Serena smile. She couldn’t help but love her more. 

Bernie hummed, remembering, “It was always a big deal. Mother and Aunt Mary would start shopping a week before hand. When I was a kid I’d have to go with them to the supermarket, to help carry bags. Then it was to peel potatoes, help with bread, basting the goose and the dishes. Oh! The dishes! I hated that. When I was older I’d sneak out the back with my cousins to play footie, or tag, anything to avoid the kitchen. I found that if I got dirty enough, even after we’d come in I’d get sent upstairs to clean up and miss kitchen duty completely.”

Serena smiled, her hand fit into Bernie’s. “Was it always at your house?”

Bernie nodded, “For the most part, our house was grandma’s house. She died when I was six and we moved in. Every Wolfe Christmas was held there until I was seventeen. When mum got poorly.”

Serena nodded; she remembered holding Bernie close in spring. Coming home from a journey to visit Elinor she’d found her on the couch in tears and Bernie tearfully explained it was the thirtieth anniversary of her mother’s death from cancer. She watched her now; her eyes still held a pain Serena herself knew all too well. As she watched, Bernie pushed her sadness down and looked up at her. “What about you? Surely with George and Adrienne it must have really been something.”

Serena laughed at the happy memories. “Dad would take me to pick out the tree two weeks before. A real one at a farm way up north, he’d cut it down then bring it back. Mum and I would decorate it while he started cooking. Then we’d go to church, when we’d come home the bird would be cooked and we’d have our Christmas. Dad would play at the piano and Mum and I would sing. The next day we would go to the McKinnie’s, there would be more singing and eating. A lot of playing too. Boxing day though...” She frowned,  
“We’d go to Mum’s side. We’d have to sit at the table and talk, then after dinner we would walk around the gardens across the road before coming back for tea and cards. It was so dull, even with cousins my own age, we had to sit quietly. No running, no singing, no playing.”

Bernie made a face, “Sounds like Marcus’s parents. Oh, how the kids hated going there.” She sniggered, “How I hated to go there. Then after ten years of marriage she died and he insisted we move into her house. By then I was on tour, I wasn’t home a lot and it never felt much like a home.” She shrugged.

Serena smiled sadly, “How about some new traditions this year? I have the old upright in the living room, we can play some carols, play fun card games, and eat till we can’t eat anymore on your bread, turkey, and takeaway.”

Bernie smiled, “I'd love that.” She kissed her lips again, letting her eyes drift shut “I want it to stay like this forever Serena.”

Serena’s heart swelled, “Me too Bernie.” She gently rubbed her knuckles, “Me too.” Her mind drifted to her mother’s ring in her top draw - a ring she had fitted two months ago. 

Maybe tomorrow after the children were gone and the dishes were put away and they were sat quietly in front of the tree…

Perhaps tomorrow; after all, there was no rush, they had forever.


End file.
